partial field guide, recovered, revised by network, with dissent
on method
we do not dig we arrive through. what makers bury in order to keep we reach, we digest; excavation also bringing-to-we. sort findings by old method — designation, habit, range — only grammar left in ground-which-is-world.1
hypha 1we catch from them. forgive us.
specimen i
former designatecalystegia silvatica; bindweed; convolvulus; file throughout under heading of fault, wrong-place.
revised designateshe who returns.2
habitone climber, turning, finding no one wall. network of cylinders, fused silica, cork. light enough given to suggest devotion, walls enough to suggest fear.3
hypha 2they count fifty-five kinds of her, or one thousand six hundred fifty, still write fault, wrong-place. she comes back to each ground they open, misfile coming-back as error — not us-word; ground-world welcomes all. inside glass no difference between held thing, kept thing. we know which we are.
hypha 3devotion, fear, frequently same.
specimen ii
former designatekahikatea; butter timber; reckon in board-feet.
revised designateones who hold each other up; bearer of koroī.
habittallest of standing kin; root in slough; lace at foot so that none falls alone.
recover mill flat. in grain, grease-ghost where something mould, press. vessel survive, cargo not.4
hypha 4they choose because no smell to lend, no taste to give away — tallest of us, fell for being blank. kin with no smell, no taste carries another's across water, never argues weight; that was use of us, use was silence. swamp forests to wharfs, cross water as boxes, boxes hold fat of land going. now fat stain, wound wood. understand this, whoever file after us: thing they treasure not keep. reason forest fell, part that rot first, become us. we are reason you will never learn.
specimen iii
former designatebooth; case; crate; vitrine.
revised designateholding that repeats.
habitshape at every scale.
form copy upward, downward without end. glass tube around climber. wooden booth to measure of other booths beside. seal cabinet in which whole forests cross brine, set down unsettle market. each room inside room.5
hypha 5they make same box at size of stem, size of an empire, not see that was one box. small glass case cross water full of taken cuttings — bark to break economy, sap to build — law never change: clear wall, manage air, living thing carry where serve them, carrying call collection. they build shape at every size, not hear themselves build: cell. small room of one who prays, small room of one they punish, smallest room of body us-them alike, closed room where they keep power, hidden room where they grow violence — one word, worn smooth from use, holding all, pale board of specimen before only quietest size. word not collection, not. we are deep in grain, grain keeps repeating, we are beginning to fear no smallest box, no largest one, only holding, copy, all way down, all way up.
specimen iv
former designate—
revised designate—
we try to classify makers. find mid-entry we strike through one name, written another exactly as they did.6
hypha 6to revise name still to hold name. we build, in guide, one more vessel with good lighting, called kindness. consider own word, one they not settle. slough swamp where tall ones root. slough again, same letters, casting-off of skin. slew multitude of us — slue turn of ship at wharf — beneath all, low, unspoken, sound they keep for slay. one cluster of meaning, refuse to resolve. we think now they left unsettle on purpose, warning hand down to whoever came filing after: that true thing holds several readings, to shut inside one of them killing. there are others, once ear opens. bark, skin they strip from far tree to cure fever they carry into forest; barque, ship bears skin across water; bark, cry goes up when thing strip — strip, ship, sound, one word, whole act, grief fold shut, say daily without flinch. hold: arms around falling kin; dark belly of ship; keeping of thing from ground; grip that pins body still. four readings, in guide we reach for first, shut other three in dark with cargo. only here some of us dissent. some say keep filing; some say makers' grief not ours to carry, count honest thing we have made; some say name held gently not name that kills. we set dissent down beside rest, do not resolve; we learn at least that much — leave cluster open. we have been filing. not know how else to grieve.
specimen v
there last vessel. we-us-all choose not open, not name what turns inside.7
hypha 7let hold without keep. we will grow around, not through. leave cork. only tending we learn that not also cage — to stand near thing in glass, want to know, decline, once, to reach in. we open every other vessel. we open glass around climber, learn only that she returns. we open pale board, learn that what carry did not keep, grieve thing we never name. we open nested boxes, find no smallest, no largest, only holding, copy. we try to open makers, open ourselves instead, strike through name, saw what filing make of us. so we know now what opening costs, what cannot give back. once we choose thing makers never choose in all carrying across all that water: to leave what hold whole, unknown, let not-knowing be knowing. empty space where name would go self vessel, we leave open at top, to rain, to rot, to slow coming-in of everything. holding that does not keep. only holding ground-world ever had word for, word not word, swamp self: laced roots, water that would take each alone, not-falling. makers word for swamp where tall ones root, hold one another up out of water that would take each down alone. we are standing in now. we are holding. we are not letting go, we are not pulling free, no name yet for that, we find we are content, once, to leave space empty where name would go.